| new xanga...
new xanga..
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
new xanga...
http://www.xanga.com/TAKE_YoU_AWAY
PLEASE... MOVE WITH ME TO THIS NEW XANGA... I'M SCARED GUYS ... |
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| I HAPPEN TO BE WORRIED...
really worried... not about me but someone else...
the next few weeks are gonna be rocky for this person...
... I WANT TO HELP... but how am i to do that???
how can i help... i don't know how...
and in a few days... this person may not speak to me for a while because ... they won't be capable to... becuase of their predicament... WHAT THE HELL...
i'm so FUDGMUFFING worried... damnit...
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.... doode i'm afraid if this isn't dealt with... i'll break... GOODNESS... and this isn't even about me!!!
I NEED PRAYERS PLEASE...
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i got his number....
i'm kinda scared to call him though what do i say to him???
i don't want to sound like an idiot... but i don't wanna sound like i'm not interested... haha i'm happy... it made my day...
...but i guess the only way to find out is to call him tonite... does anybody have any suggestion... haha i'm not good with these kinda things haha...
but theres a first time for everything... i'm excited, scared, and need to go pee all at the same time haha... it's great...
-queen |
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| okay time to write my cumulitive report on what the hell has been going on...
it's 4:52 in the morning... and i'm writing because this is when my head feels the clearest...
so these are my early morning confessions....
"i feel betrayed"
lately this situation has been bugging me... a friend of mine whose name will not be mentioned- claims that they are my best friend hasn't been telling me everything and i'm finding out in ways that i normally would not like to find out. It Sucks because- the title best friend entails the fact that they should be able to tell me anything and vice versa... but they don't tell me anything anymore, and without them opening up to me... i won't be able to open up to them. Maybe it is just me- maybe they are just putting the title best friend on the friendship because they feel it is the right and obligated thing to do... again maybe it's just me... the things that i have been finding out about them aren't the most admiral things but still even if they just simply told me before- i wouldn't be upset at them. i don't exactly understand how this really works or the cause of this mistrust- but i know that i haven't exactly been the good friend that i can be to my full potential either... Again these things that i am finding aren't the best portrait of them but... i think i am most hurt that they will not allow me into their lives so i can share that experience with them. I know that the things i've been finding out are huge and not shared with just anyone... it just upsets me because they claim that they trust me. I think that i am expecting too much... im just pissed that they claim to trust me... but their actions aren't following through with their claim... this makes me question the relationship... but i'm not going to let this bug the shit out of me... stuff is always going to happen... so i might as well let it go... it takes to much energy and it's a waste of time... and when they're ready to open up again... then i'll be there with open arms... i know that it seems like i'm being stupid.. but this relationship that i have is too much to simply through away... but that doesn't validate anything that they've been doing in not telling me... DAMNIT MAYBE I'M JUST NOSEY... but aren't i correct in thinking that when they place that title upon the relationship that they are my best friend that they will tell me stuff... but then again... there are always things kept from one another- even between very good friends... maybe i am expecting too much... maybe it's just me... whatever it is... i'll just let it go... ::damnit i hate being so damned passive:: but this is why i feel betrayed... they should be able to tell me things... but then again- they didn't tell me anything... o well i'm not sure who is done wrong in this situation... but if you can't tell i hold friendships high in prority... that's why i have a sense of betrayal... but this shit is petty... so i guess i'll let it go... i'll simply be waiting on the other side for that person and i'll allow them to open up to me once more...
it's almost sunrise... i must be going... have a great memorial day...
-queen |
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